Thanks, Husband (we need a sarcasm font)

It’s New Year’s Eve! Yay! And last night my wonderful husband and I got into a little bit. He accused me (yet again) of trying to take on too much. What a jerk, right!? Except he had a point. He sat there and lasted off ten different projects/endeavors I was currently involved in, several of which are fairly time demanding, and finished with “…and those are just the ones I know about. You get into so many things, its hard to keep track!”. Well, I did ask for discernment on Samhain. I just wasn’t planning on it manifesting in my husband, Mr. Super-Laid-Back-Jumps-Into-Everything Guy. So it looks like my New Year’s Goals list (not really resolutions, just a list I revisit at the beginning of every year), will be shrinking, or at least rearranging, significantly. Be careful what you ask help with during rituals, especially on the holidays, you might not necessarily like how your requests are answered. Happy New Year!!

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Happy Solstice!

Happy Solstice!

So the more I grow, the less impact the solstice and equinox holidays have on my spiritual practice. You know; Yule, Ostara, Litha, Mabon. While we have a pretty good indication that’s the solstices and equinoxes were acknowledged in pre-Christian Ireland, we really don’t have any leads as to specific festival practices. So while I do celebrate what I call the Big Four, I associate them with more spiritual/cultural events. The turning of the seasons, however, is more of an acknowledgement to the link between physical nature and the Mythic Realm, regardless of deity or culture. Still important, just not as impactful.

And it really didn’t feel like the beginnings of winter yesterday, what with it reaching 62 degrees and all the snow melting. Bah-humbug.

Samhain- In Review

I’ve had bits and pieces of this post lying around for the past month, and just now am finding the time to sit down and organize it all. Even starting as early as I did with my planning, Samhain still snuck up on me and I wasn’t totally prepared. Though, honestly, who is? But I would definitely call the celebrations a success.

So here’s how our family observance was going to go: I was going to wake up early and totally scour my house, saining as I went. A and I were going to spend the day listening to traditional and tribal music, make parshells, and go around in costume. Them I was going to cook a lovely dinner, lay out the Feast for the Dead, and eat with the family. After E and A went up to bed, I was going to bust out my drum, and do some meditating before launching into my solitary ritual service. Sounds like a wonderfully laid plan, right?

Here’s what really happened. A spent the previous week adjusting his sleep schedule from waking between 8 and 8:30 to around 6/6:30. I am not a morning person, ever, so waking up early was shot to hell. But we did get up, and what could have been cleaned in about an hour to an hour and a half, took a little over three. I’m convinced toddlers exist to disrupt cleaning. But the house was cleaned, if not sained, and ready for company. We did listen to some music, but then A decided he needed to watch every Thomas the Tank Engine movie ever made, so off went Pandora. We made no parshells, and my attempt at the masks I wanted to make flopped. But hey, the house was clean, and I kept the thought of the Ancestors foremost in my mind that day. I did make a lovely, delicious dinner, and invited the Ancestors in, and laid out leftovers as offerings outside for any Folk about that night. And then I crashed.

I did have the opportunity to attend ritual the next evening with a group that are Celtic/Norse influenced within a Neo-Wiccan/Eclectic framework. I absolutely loved their group dynamic, and the energy flow during the ritual. It began with calling the quarters and such, but there was an altar for the Dead, individual cleansing, deity invitations, and toasting, all of which I practice personally. Attending something like this that is led by a group that obviously has an understanding of the cultures and deities they were working with was a pleasant experience. Near the end, we went around and announced what our New Year’s resolutions were, and within the energy raised and the group focus, it felt binding. Mine is to find discernment and empowerment in the projects I undertake, to not let myself become overwhelmed, to let things flow away that I can’t control or worry over at that moment in time. So far, I’ve felt empowered, but not so discerning, because I still find myself taking on (what I feel to be) too much.

A few days later, I believe it was November 12th, we had our first snowfall of the year, and it was a real snow, not just a super light dusting that was gone by midmorning. I skimmed a bowl full of snow, and once it was filtered and melted, I ended up with about 6oz. of water. At least I now have water for saining.

Samhain II- Noble Ones, Sidhe, and Outsiders

There are some times where I just feel so blessed to live where I live. Even though we have such a small Pagan community, if it even constitutes a community because it seems that NO ONE knows each other, we have so many opportunities before us. We aren’t really imposed upon by long-standing groups that make the community at large feel that they have to be a part of a specific group to be accepted into the Pagan community. And we have so many rural traditions and events, that connection with the land and community through simpler means is readily at hand. Last weekend was the Atwood Fall Festival, one of my all-time favorite craft shows/festivals. And every year, they host the Moccasin Trail Pow Wow. Now I am someone that really has no clue about Native American/First Nations tribes/cultures/practices, so I can’t tell you if its one tribe or many represented there, or which ones. But I love attending for so many reasons. Every time I go, I’m participating in a living culture with oral tradition, which is how most of Celtic Europe was. I love the drumming and dancing, I love feeling the rise and ebb of the group energies. And I love the hand-crafted wares, which sadly are dwindling in favor of mass-market, mass-produced crap. But I was super excited to find some small, hand-crafted hoop drums. I had to have one, and the maker gave me an awesome deal on the one I purchased. I’m still getting to know my drum, but its deep and new and is so beautifully unique. Even though I’m not Native, we can’t move forward assuming any culture existed in a void, and careful actions to bring in new ideas and merging them with our existing cultural/belief system is what keeps spirituality growing and dynamic.

I’ve seen a few discussions on land spirits, do we honor the spirits of the land where our ancestors came from, or do we honor the spirits of land the the original inhabitants of land? I guess this all depends on how you view Land Spirits. For me, Land Spirits are a special kind of spirit, the ones that can exist simultaneously in the Mythic Realm (aka: Otherworlds) and the Physical Realm. While they are a type of Sidhe (aka: fairy folk), the Veil Between Worlds has little to no bearing on them because of their strong associations with the physical Land. While I believe some of these Land Spirits directly/ physically manifest (trees, rivers, rock formations), there are others that act as guardians and wardens (think gruagach, trolls, the Lorax, etc…), and even more are linked to the cyclical changes or temporary states of the land (winter spirits, garden spirits, rain spirits). So with the idea that these spirits live in multiple Realms simultaneously, and if we believe that creating sanctified space in our spiritual/magical work is recreating the World Center symbolically and creating a true liminal space between Realms, I don’t see why the Land Spirits from our Ancestral lands can’t travel to new places. But I also see how the link of time and tradition would hold the original Land Spirits in their same space. So I guess the argument can be made for both types of Spirits to possibly be present. All the more reason to actually explore and connect with the Land around you.

You may be asking, what does any of this have to do with Samhain? The Festival of Samhain centers around Spirits; Ancestral, Land, Noble, cyclical, whatever. Understanding who the Spirits are, how they interact with the Physical Realm, and Their roles in the holiday are crucial for understanding my branch of Celtic theology and properly observing the holiday from that standpoint (ugh, orthopraxy). Now who are the Sidhe? The Sidhe are the spiritual/magical beings that originate from Otherworlds beyond the Veil. They are your Land Spirits, fairies, brownies, trolls, basically any non-human, non-god, and non-animal being. For some, the Veil is no deterrent to traveling between Realms; for others, liminal spaces and/or times are needed, and oftentimes a particular liminal space/time. When you read folktales of creatures that live at crossroads, fly along the edge of twilight, appear out of the mist, or dance along mushroom circles, you are hearing tales of the Sidhe. One of the defining things about Samhain is the thinness of the Veil, and the ease with which Spirits and Sidhe can cross it from the Otherworlds, not that the Veil is gone or the precepts for crossing are gone. Imagine wading across a river; it is significantly easier to cross the river when it is only up to your shins than when it is up to your waist or over your head. The Veil is like this; thin at certain times and in certain places, thicker at others, and sometimes impassible. And another thing a lot of New Agers won’t admit/accept, not all Sidhe (or fairies) are good/friendly/helpful. Sometimes, to us, they are downright evil. This is why costuming and masking at Samhain is practiced, if they don’t know you’re human, chances are the “bad” ones will leave you alone.

So who are these “Noble Ones”? The Noble ones would be the Lords and Ladies of the Sidhe (not gods). I would say most of our archetypal/station-based Spirits are the Noble Ones. The Gatekeeper, the Green Man, even the Earth Mother. These Spirits serve in a particular fashion or role; the Gatekeeper as the watcher of liminal places, the Green Man as the sacred gardener, and the Earth Mother as the foundation of life. Why do I not consider these beings gods (I need to find a better word than “gods” as well)? Because I view them to be many different Spirits that are joined in a common purpose, or possibly hereditary positions. Think of monks or soldiers. I do believe they are individuals, but are so defined and meshed with their station, that the title may as well be their name (think of the Mother Superior in a convent). These Noble Ones, like one hopes the more “noble” humans (presidents, ambassadors, cultural representatives), have a better understanding, and more patience/tolerance, of the different beings in existence than the lower Sidhe. So whole the majority of the Sidhe exist and live by their own laws and customs, regardless of ours, the Noble Ones at the very least understand our customs, and are more willing to work with us in a partnership fashion.

And lastly, the Outsiders. Samhain is as much for them as any other group. Outsiders can be from anywhere, any being. For us, Outsiders are the rejects of society; historically murderers, thieves, beggars, anyone that was not a contributing member of society. Not all Outsiders are necessarily bad though, the Fianna were considered Outsiders. While some of the more delinquent types used Samhain as an excuse to cause mischief, for the poor and hungry, it was a time where they could go to any door and receive food. There were rules for hospitality and proper interaction with Outsiders in medieval Ireland. On the other side, were the Outsiders of the Sidhe. Perhaps not outsiders amongst their own kind, these Spirits would be the less desirable ones to have around human communities. They are they ones we would place offerings for to leave us alone, and the reason we would go around masked.

So far, I’ve discussed the Ancestors, the Sidhe, and Outsiders in regards to Samhain. Next would be the Gods (which I wish there was a better term for), and the pastoral/agricultural aspects of the holiday. Keep counting down, there’s only 21 days left!

Samhain I- The Ancestors

It’s October, yay! I don’t feel so bad about posting about Samhain, since it is less than a month away now. As a huge fan of Halloween (in secular practice), I always get really excited around this time of year. Which is something I think surprises my husband even now; he didn’t celebrate Halloween growing up (you know, because it’s Satanic), and I feel awful for him because it’s such a part of our pop culture. But now I’m faced with the dilemma of actually explaining Samhain to him, the kid who’s mom thought dressing in costume and begging for candy is all about the devil. And if you skim through some of the more readily available pagan books and possibly some of the more widely read websites, you see a lot of repeat and fairly shallow info on the holiday. Its the end of harvest season, the slaughter festival, the feast of the dead, and the time to look to the Crone/Dark Mother/pick your “dark” goddess.

While all of these tags have some merit, and I for one am very much not a subscriber to the idea of Maiden/Mother/Crone, none of them really delve into the meat or the “why” of any of these. So I’m going to commit a major research faux pas, and start delving a bit into my understanding of Samhain without citing my sources (I’m taking a day out of the house, and typing from a coffee shop), but I will try to remember to come back and add them in when I have a moment.

I want to start with feasting the dead, welcoming the Ancestors into our homes and honoring their life, death, and enduring wisdom. I know that there are some within the Reconstructionist movements that use the concept of ancestor worship/reverence as a front for racism. This is disgusting, and I think an awful, terrible concept. One should never be ashamed, ridiculed, or turned away from a spiritual path on something so trivial as ethnicity. With that being said, I believe that one of the ways we connect with our ancestors is through blood meditations. No, this does not involve slicing open my skin and bleeding myself to connect with any blood relatives in my past. For me, I combine visualization, rhythmic pulsing/drumming (recorded, because I don’t own a drum), and a dark room. It’s about turning my focus inward, finding myself, then reaching into my past through my blood to connect to the Ancestors. Now if you’re not of Western European descent, how does that work? I would argue that no matter our ethnicity, we share a common ancestor at some point. We also are impacted by archetypal Ancestors, who we can reach through ourselves but may not be blood relation. We know of instances of adoption and fostering Celtic Ireland and Britain, and my thoughts are that everyone that embraces a cultural spirituality is being adopted into the tribe (I do plan on addressing the concept of Outsiders this month). So we all share a collective ancestral tie. And just because your immediate ancestors may not be of Celtic descent, so what? That makes them no less important to you and your practice. While I, as a Pagan drawing inspiration from Celtic Ireland, Scotland, and Britain, chose a specific cultural group, its the mores and ethics that were held and have a rooted meaning in the culture that have kept me here. I just don’t think people should feel that they can’t embrace Celtic-based Paganism solely because they aren’t of that lineage.

While we say Samhain places a large focus on ancestor worship, how many of us actually see that as a part of many Samhain celebrations and rites? I know I haven’t, but I don’t have a connection to a diverse Pagan population. For me, worship and veneration of the Ancestors is the focal point of Samhain, especially those we have lost throughout the previous year. Samhain is about welcoming long-lost, and perhaps long-forgotten, family in for the feast, and assuring them of their continued legacy so they may rest easy until Beltane. Growing up, when I thought about death and heaven, I used to get really worked up about dying and being lonely. I obviously didn’t feel a personal connection to the Christian concept of God, so there really wasn’t a source of comfort in being with God. I knew my mom and dad, and all four of my grandparents (three of whom are still living), and numerous aunts and uncles. I felt really connected with my family, and to me, death was a wall between us. After finding a Pagan path, I’ve retained that connection (and actually felt more spiritually attached to my living family than ever before), but I’ve also discovered and developed a lifeline to my deceased family. We talk about the thinning Veil at Samhain, this is the time when we can use this spiritual lifeline to find our way to our Ancestors and help them to find us. It’s about finding and honoring family, the hospitality for each other, and the reassurance of enduring life and love. I honestly cannot think of a Pagan holiday more family focused than Samhain, and it just astounds me that it seems to be the hardest to find family-friendly rites for.

The heart of our Samhain rite in our household is inviting the Ancestors in for the feast, especially my husband’s wonderful great-grandmother who we lost this past April. Our son is so blessed to have so many living relatives (6 great- and step-great-grandparents, both sets of grandparents, numerous great-aunts and -uncles, an aunt and two uncles, and lots of extended cousins), and I want  him to grow up knowing this connection is deep and spiritual, and it lasts well beyond this thing we call death.

This Blog is Terrible (But Samhain is Coming!)

For anyone reading my ramblings, I really must apologize for how awful my blog looks. The sad thing is, I work in design (I know, yikes!). Sadly, while this little project is usually dearest to my heart, it often gets pushed to the side for the bigger, more important projects. My dear, wonderful husband (who I could happily flail for this) decided to move everything around in our shared office space, and completely disrupt all of my organization (even though I work solely out of the house, while he doesn’t). So for the past two months, very little progress has happened on any of my projects. I have laid plans however, to free myself some time to really get down and reorganize everything, which will hopefully lead to a prettier, better blog and more content. I also spent much of August praying to the porcelain god after having found out we are expecting another baby in April. To all the women who work through severe morning sickness, bless you, you are an inspiration to us all. And the one’s who don’t understand just how terrible this can be, I loathe and envy you. I was never this sick with A, to the point where I couldn’t function.

But autumn is finally here in Ohio (yay!), and that means Samhain is coming!! Sorry, we didn’t celebrate Mabon, A’s birthday usually falls on the first day of autumn, and I’m still wiped out from his party last Sunday (2-year-old birthday parties are surprisingly demanding). Since Mabon isn’t one of my “big” holidays, it kind of gets swept under the rug (also, I’m lazy and I hate balancing more than I have to). But I am gearing up for our first Samhain celebration as a family! I’m such a backslider pagan, I was always on top of the holidays before having a family, but these past two years have just been figuring out parenthood and marriage. I did tell myself when A was two or three, I would begin teaching him about my spiritual beliefs, because while I want him to be well-rounded, I do want to instill morals and values from my spirituality. Obviously, I think they’re important. So E (my husband) and I will be spending some time discussing our approach to raising A in our separate spiritualities without feelings of condemnation and guilt. But I’ve started planning our Samhain festivities, and am planning on recording much of what we do to share online. Keep an eye out sometime between Nov. 2 and Nov. 9 for that (though I hope to have some more posts before then).

Hopefully I will get into a more disciplined routine of posting, and this blog will look better by the end of next week. Now I need some pumpkin coffee and to start cleaning my office.

Such a Terrible Blogger

I’m such a terrible blogger. I go months and months without posting, it’s awful. But we move on. Busyness has ensued in these past couple of months; leaving one job and starting two others, teaching art (yay!), and entering into the “terrible-twos” stage with our son (judge my parenting skills all you want, but it exists and it sucks).

The garden has suffered majorly; all my radishes went to seed before I managed to pull them, and the spinach bolted pretty early. My husband told me the other day, “You know what we aren’t? Gardeners.” And sadly, I have to agree with him for the moment. Our garden is a mess, things didn’t get planted on time, weeds didn’t get pulled, and this weather just makes me want to stay indoors. I hate mugginess and heat. We had later frosts, and then, BAM!, the summer hit. Drought last year, and lots of rain this year. Bleck! It also doesn’t help that I have to pack up my son and drive to get to my garden.

And these chickens, my goodness how they grew! We never got more than the 17 chicks we purchased back in March, and that’s ok, since there were 10 roosters in that mix. So we’re off to the farm this afternoon to pick the one we want to keep, and the rest will be getting processed July 12th. We had also picked up some cast-off Easter ducks back in May, and found out this week there are 3 drakes and only one hen, so two of those big boys will be off to the processor as well. I’ve dubbed them Thanksgiving and Christmas, so now I have a time frame in which to learn how cook duck. I don’t feel as bad about them, they aren’t friendly like the chickens. But I know what these fowl ate, how they were treated, and I am grateful for the meals they will provide for our family. Anything to lessen our dependence on the food industry and our contributions to inhumanely raised and butchered animals.

Why should I care about what, where, and how my meat is and came from? The more removed people become from their food, the less real food they eat. And the less grateful they are for that food. When people disassociate the feathered, squawking creature with the frozen bag of breasts at Walmart, they lose respect for the life that was given to preserve theirs. And if there is no respect for something, why be sustainable? There will always be more in the freezer. But when you come at it first-hand, there’s an emotional-spiritual obligation to that thing, because you are the one who took the only thing it had, it’s life, for yourself. Are you really going to just throw it out? Wanton killing and destruction; whether of people, livestock, or crops, characterizes many of the most politically tumultuous times in man’s history. It’s a mindset that relegates the killer to more worthwhile being than the victim.

It’s a mindset that I experience with many religious types. The idea that first comes their specific branch of whatever religion, then comes the members of that religion, then comes the rest of the world. The more I hear people speak about the atrocities that are currently being visited upon this religious group by that other religious group, yet with no accountability taken by the first religious group for any ill they have ever committed upon anyone else, the more disgusted with “religion” I become. Why on earth would anyone ever choose to associate their spiritual beliefs with self-righteous, hate-filled people (unless, they too, are self-righteous and hate-filled)? I would like to start exploring and explaining more on what drove me to where I am now, why I don’t join “religious” groups, and how I really am finding true spiritual fullness in the path I am on today.